There are certain people in this world you meet not once,but once again. You make them your friends. You make them an integral part of your life which I believe is already clogged and overpopulated. Yet,we want more. I do. I definitely do.
I have somehow always felt that we humans are in a desperate need of company . We necessitate this to happen and without it we feel inadequate in ourselves. Loneliness and single-dom is to loser and not happening. Why? Is the answer I am still searching for.
My mother sternly believed that I had undergone brainwash sessions by Al-quaeda or some other terrorist group as I underwent a lot of change emotionally and mentally. Grade 12,when people are hovering over piles and sheet loads of books,I had the best year of my schooling. It was not because it was my last year at school and the 12 years would never come back.Not at all. I personally hated school. I detested going to a place where all you had is to come dressed tidily and clean and go back home unclean,filthy and untidy. I loved my grade 12 because I did the most wild things anybody would do,risk your career,and get screwed by parents. Coming back, I quite agree that a mad man had triggered the change in me. But I thank him. I thank him for giving me the most rude and confidence shaking circumstances. I am obliged to him for being a man of double standards and letting me be a bigoted bitch. Roar high and soar higher. Yes,the one who screams during an argument wins is an utterly rubbish notion. It is the mincing of words,to use them with tact and wit. To select the most shrewd words and present them in the most polite way.
I underwent a change of thoughts,emotions,notions,the biggest stands in life. All because of that freak who came in and gave me 5 months of wisdom sprinkled with eye hurting pepper spray.
He said he made people addicted to him,yes to a great deal it is true. He would love me but never praise my goodness,he would kiss me but never with warrant,he would protect me but not out of will. With him I desired to walk the best years and diminish into a benevolent life. Change- I definitely dint believe to be most constant. Time in its race with tide proved so. You can never guarantee a future of happiness because situations pasteurize mankind and kindles it into a thick layer of inflexible cream. This man had rigid ideas about everything,with ego as his tropical oregano seasoning. He had a dream to overpower everyone who,at one point in time bestride him.
My journey with this rude-ie started the day we fought over flicking pages of my history book during a unit test. I cherish every second of my roller coaster,sky rocketing time with this fellow. How much love was hidden in us,all in disdain. It was April then,September now. My affection is still the same, his has changed.
I wonder why today I am writing this about what happened in these 9 months? Yes, I think a lot he said. I would be a depression patient is what he predicted. When we started our journey from foe-ship to friendship,we had the best motto's - 'Happiness is the driving force for life'. If there is no happiness,life is a lull.
But happiness also changes routes,it changes its wants. For me happiness was all about doing guilt free things,but for him it meant doing everything. When you strike a coin in the carom board you have the zeal to strike all. That's what we thought,we struck one chord and wanted the guitar to play music. Sound music. It was the most serene thought I ever got.Forever perhaps,but it dint even last for an year.
Newspapers, knowledge and intellectualism being the key ingredients for me to savor a man, I tasted him. His flavor of behavior. His flavor of yearning for me. His intellect made me fall head over heels,and for him my smile which lasted longer than Nile.
24th November 2009- A day of as much Importance as much 9/11 to the United States. It is when from friendship we fell into the well of love-ship. I regret nothing but I repent some odd moments. I repent lying to my mother. She has been my best friend in these soon to become 19 years of my life,she was mine, is mine and she is the only one who will surely remain mine. She won't leave me,she says I will change for you. Her simplicity pushes me to a state of ecstasy which encompasses all the cruel things into vacuum. I'm not Gandhi, I'm not even a good human,I have been wicked and villainous to people. But when I love, I love with purity, my love is child like,its delicate and careless. The worth of my life is reaping only what I sow, not gaining from what others did. I was a misfit to his life. His values were different,may be mine were orthodox,but Im sure even today that mine will bring success and his only misery. Why I say repent is because my effort of fondness towards him gained me no rewards,oh! let alone reward, it was a futile effort. Although my tour of 9 months was beautiful,packed with debates, discussions, unwillingness and argument. Oh,I forgot Addiction. The main word,the fact that talking to each other made us dependent to each other. The graph of love was giving diminishing and later decreasing returns. But the graph of craving was increasing,hence we went ahead,to chalk out the state of equilibrium.
